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Everyone knows you're not supposed to drink and drive. I mean, obviously. They start telling you that in fourth grade and you nod along, wide-eyed, because you can't imagine ever being stupid and awful enough to drink at all, much less drink and drive. You make posters about how dumb it is, drinking and driving, and they hang them in the elementary school hallway. You tell your parents to stop smoking and accuse them of being alcoholics if they have a glass of wine with dinner more than once a month, and in health class you take tests on drugs, where every single drug is listed with a bunch of outdated slang and possible side effects, with all include death. Tobacco (butts, heaters, cancer sticks): lung cancer, emphysema, DEATH. Alcohol (booze, hooch, sauce): impaired judgement, loss of consciousness, DEATH. Marijuana (ace, grass, hay): disorientation, paranoia, DEATH. Heroin (boy, horse, smack): euphoria, convulsions, coma, DEATH.

...

What they don't tell you is that sometimes you might not care about the side effects, that they might not be such a bad trade-off if it means you get to get the hell out of your own head for a little while and let go of the breath you're always holding, the tiny bit of pudge on your belly you're forever sucking in, if for one stupid night you can stop worrying about what people think about your and stop watching every word you say. And maybe that night, as you're holding an ugly plastic cup and listening to everyone have the exact same conversations as last weekend and you're inside your head thinking all the same thoughts, and sometimes you kind of hate your friends, sometimes you really kind of hate yourself, and maybe you wouldn't mind getting hurt or going into a coma or something. Something.

And what they don't tell you in fourth grade is that if everyone's drunk and the least drunk person offers to drive, it will make a kind of crazy sense, and everyone might congratulate themselves on how responsible they are ...

You guys, that's just how The Princesses of Iowa STARTS. 3 days until it comes out! You know you want to read it! Maybe even have your own personal copy? Autographed? Fill out the form below for a chance to win.




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